I have been depressed for a very long time. And I should not be. I do not feel motivated to work on my school work, my own work, my life, and it is all because of my personal problems at home. My mother’s house is in a hoarding state, and my father can get very mad at times if me and my brother do not follow his instructions so then he would send us back over to my mother’s. He said “If you do not want to listen to me, then do not come around me,” little does he know how bad that hurts me as much as it hurts himself. It makes me upset, angry, and depressed all inside. And then with my mother, she does not realize that getting this house back in order will help me function. It is a bit of a shame how I have to travel all the way up to Queens to get my school work instead of being able to do my work in my own home.
It should not have to be like this, but it is. I have plans to get them all sorted out, but because I am the child and they are the parents, I keep on getting shut down by both of them because of their stubbornness. They always think that they have things in their own hands. I cannot work like that. I believe that they fear losing control over me when it comes to certain things. Especially my father. I intend not to piss him off, but I end up getting shouted at over and over again not only because of my mistakes. It is crazy how someone else can get a simple sit-down for sniffing drugs or p, but with me, I get shouted at for having water on the headrest of my bed or staying after school to actually get my schoolwork done.
This world is too cold and filled with thornbushes to twisted to untangle. One day, it will all burn into nothing but ash. Maybe not in my time, or the next generation's time, but soon enough. Yeah, I would probably be scared if that happens, though I will accept it like I am supposed to.